Remembering Mom

This is the fourth Mother’s Day that I can’t pick up the phone or book a flight to tell my mother “thank you” for how much she’s influenced me. I think of her all the time, but especially on “her” day. Just some of what I miss about my mom:

She always drove convertibles, and loved to have the top down on a sunny day. She loved football, and although she had her favorite teams, she would root for the underdog if any team got too far ahead – because a closer game is more interesting.

She loved entertaining, and when you arrived for a visit she would have placed fresh flowers in the guest room and a little “goodie” on each bed. I really miss my annual springtime trip with my sister Sandy to prep and plant my mom’s gardens for the year. She loved her gardens so much: especially California poppies (although they gave her a hard time), nasturtiums, sweet peas, pansies, lilies of the valley, her camellia and her lemon tree. She attracted hummingbirds and thrilled in seeing quail in her yard. She adored fresh, juicy tomatoes right from the vine, and enjoyed driving up to see her colorful and lush front garden among her neighbors “drier” landscaping.

Before I arrived for a visit, Mom would have circled all the movies in the paper that she wanted to see. She loved going to movies, a great steak, turkey sandwiches from Willy Bird and walnut prawns from the China Room. She loved to play bridge with her friends, volunteer with her Pi Phi sisters and support the Democratic party. All the years of not knowing who “Deep Throat” was, she would have smiled to find out that he lived in her own town. I envision her unaware of his identity, but rubbing shoulders in line next to him at the Rialto Theatre.

She had a bumper sticker on her car that read, “Superman Had Foster Parents.” On her bulletin board - packed with family pictures - was another that read, “Democracy is Not a Spectator Sport.”

My mom was a lovely, charming woman. She was witty and fun; a caring and wise advisor; a great friend and supporter. She was also fiercely independent. She had “pluck,” a dry sense of humor, and ever-present optimism. She loved life and fought a warrior's battle to enjoy it. Dealt some tough blows - including raising seven children alone, and later serious health issues that would have been too much for someone else - she never felt herself a victim.

She didn’t plan to have a career, but to provide for us kids, went to work as a Caseworker with the Department of Social and Health Services. Due to her natural leadership abilities, hard work, and compassion, she retired as a beloved DSHS Administrator for two counties.

When she lost her left leg to diabetes, she fought to regain her ability to walk with a prosthesis and walker, sending back a wheelchair provided to her. She had already fought and won a battle to stay living independently in her own home, which she loved.

She taught me by example to believe in myself and to persevere. Two of her favorite sayings that I smile when I find myself using: "this too shall pass" and "so be it."

She said the reason she went in the Navy rather than the Army, where her father was a Colonel, was that she “looked better in blue than green.” Only after her death did we discover papers indicating that she was too young to be accepted into the Army, but not the Navy, when she wanted to help during World War II.

My Mother loved to travel and had seen the world. On her 80th birthday the family met in Ashland to treat her to Shakespeare plays. The weekend was to be all about her, but she had put together bags of gifts for each of us, and delighted in reading a poem she had written about each of her offspring and the contents of their bag.

She left this world as she lived her life, on her own terms. Facing her impending death, she told me she was proud of the woman I’d become. She said she was happy that each of her children were in loving relationships, and she said, "I had a good run.” Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I miss you.