On gratitude

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but also the parent of all the others." – Cicero

Being grateful for the low times as well as the high times is an art and a virtue. The way I learned this as a child was, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” And of course builds your character. I take this to mean being grateful for whatever happens, especially when I don’t see the ‘gift’ in it right away.

Everything, whether we judge it good or bad at the time, is an opportunity and a gift. Some gifts are more apparent, others will only reveal why they were just right for us at a later time.

“Good” news, “bad” news – in labeling we limit possibilities. Gratitude is a skill that we can improve with practice.

The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us. - Voltaire

Learned Optimism

Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it. – Charles R. Swindoll

You haven’t heard back, and it's been three days after your fourth interview when they said they were going to make a decision between you and the other top candidate soon. Do you assume they went with the other person, or that some work crisis interfered with their hiring timeline and that you’re still in contention?

Negative assumptions can happen so fast that we don’t realize we’ve made them until after the fact. The consequences can be self-fulfilling. It is critical to recognize them as soon as possible, remind ourselves that we have choice and reframe our view of the situation.

One of my very favorite books provides a step-by-step guide to learning this process. It is Learned Optimism, by Dr. Martin Seligman. Dr. Seligman is on the forefront of the Positive Psychology movement, and has put his fantastic Optimism Test (also in Learned Optimism) in the public domain on the University of Pennsylvania website.

http://www.authentichappiness.com

I strongly recommend taking it as a baseline evaluation of pessimistic self-talk. I also can't recommend his step-by-step guide to training yourself to optimistically reframe your view of situations - what happens to you - strongly enough.

Run your own race

"The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor." - Vince Lombardi

It's an easy and self-defeating trap to compare ourselves with others - usually those we perceive to have "done better" on whatever measure is chosen.

We don't know how hard they worked and what they gave up to get where they are - and if we knew, would we have wanted it that much?

There will always be others who appear to be ahead of you. We forget that there are always others to whom YOU are that person ahead.

"Use what talents you possess. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." - Henry Van Dyck

When the going gets tough...

Remember that you are even tougher. Sometimes, unfortunately, securing a great job is a marathon, not a sprint.

There’s nothing like a job search to test your mettle. There are highs, and there are definite lows. The valleys tug at the most confident among us. One reason I am such an advocate of controlling what you can is that there is clearly so much you can’t control in the process, like other people’s timing.

A client mentioned the other day that she finally heard back about a position she was very interested in – two months later. Plenty of time to assume they went another direction.

I can’t tell you the number of times that I talk to a client (who has been doing their part and putting many things in play) when they are feeling at their very lowest, like it’s never going to happen for them – then within a day or two everything starts flowing again. They get two or three very exciting calls to interview, or in the case of one recent client – three offers at the same time.

So my advice on those dark days is to remind yourself that you've done your part, and it will be rewarded - but this process will likely test your character first. Your confidence will wax and wane. Take care of yourself in some special way when you get the blues, and remember to stay hopeful. Know that what you want most might be right around the corner. Remember that you deserve it, and stay ready to welcome it – aughh – in it’s own sweet time.

Majoring in minors

There are many creative ways I've seen people work against themselves in a job search, including stalling at that critical step of "getting out there" - declaring their candidacy, so to speak; making contacts and applying to postings with the goal of getting a new position.

I can think of half a dozen common self-defeating tactics. I'll cover them all, but the one on my mind today is "Majoring in Minors" - putting lots of time and energy into doing low value, low return tasks - rather than the scarier higher payoff ones.

A favorite is resume tweaking. My resume is not perfect yet is a fabulous excuse to not apply to any positions or companies yet. I used to teach a class in Resume Writing, but tweaking is such a popular resistance-to-move-ahead tactic that we took the class off the schedule, and instead only offer to write resumes for clients, do updates, edits, give feedback and collaborate with clients on them. They get a better product far faster for both of us.

There are those that believe that everyone should write their own resume. That is a subject for another day other than for me to say I wouldn't dream of cutting my own hair - I leave it to a professional who cuts hair all the time and can see my head from angles I can't.

Back to resume tweaking. Another popular stalling tactic is to send your "draft" out to everyone you know for feedback. Maybe it's a safe way to sort of announce your candidacy as a planned information leak. "If nominated, I will not run, but if I were to run, would you vote for this platform?"

Getting feedback from many sources is where the Resume Class participants frequently started augering into majoring in minors. Fact is, everyone is going to have a different opinion - some valid, some not so much. Once you get all those dissenting opinons, there goes your confidence in your resume, and you've got to tweak and tweak before you can send your resume out "for real", right?

So here's the deal: people who want to help you in your job search but don't know of any cool positions for you, or have any contacts to give you, give you what they can - some advice on your resume. We've all seen resumes, so we can all spot a little something that could be done differently.

There are more ways to format and structure resumes than there are people. Will it be effective based on your goals for where you want to be next? We still don't know until you take the plunge and get it out there. Should you apply all the resume advice you get? One question: would you let the person giving you the advice cut your hair?

Two ways to happiness

It seems fitting to quote the Dalai Lama during his monumental visit to Seattle. From his book, "How to Practice - The Way to a Meaningful Life" :

TWO WAYS TO HAPPINESS

There are two ways to create happiness. The first is external. By obtaining better shelter, better clothes, and better friends we can find a certain measure of happiness and satisfaction.

The second is through mental development, which yields inner happiness.

However, these two approaches are not equally viable. External happiness cannot last long without its counterpart.

If something is missing in your perspective - if something is missing in your heart - then despite the most luxurious surroundings, you cannot be happy.

However, if you have peace of mind, you can find happiness even under the most difficult circumstances.

In-elegant networking

I received an email the other week and just had to shake my head. My email address was displayed in the “TO:” field along with about 50 other people. Some I knew, some I did not. Admit it, we’re all going to look... and there we all were for each other to see.

The email was a request to hook the sender up with introductions at a specific company where they had applied for a job (posting and resume attached).

I love to help people. But my honest reaction:

Why should I take my time to help - someone else on this massive list will help instead.

Psychologists call this “the bystander or Genovse effect” after the 1964 NY murder of Kitty Genovse, who’s attack and cries for help went on for over a half hour without any of a dozen neighbors / witnesses calling the police. The facts of the case have been distorted to illustrate that people are less likely to help when others are present than when we are alone – in a group we tend to assume someone else will help.

Why should I take my time - and impose on my contacts’ time - when on the big list I see others who might be much better connected to the desired company than me?

Why should I take my time, out of a busy workday, when the sender didn’t take the time, while currently unemployed, to send this request individually?

How would my contacts inside the company react to seeing this email forwarded? Not good. Now my investment of time to help includes stripping out all the other names… probably writing a new email… but is that false advertising for someone who sent it this way in the first place?

What is my confidence level that if I make an introduction for the sender that they would handle my contacts’ information discreetly? Would I be burning my contacts, and my reputation with them, by risking exposure of their names and email addresses in future mailings?

My eyes went back to the long list of names and email addresses revealed to all of us. Why is the sender showing us their whole contact list? Which do they want more: help, or to show everyone how well connected they are?

This is not how I would send this. It won’t reflect well on me. It takes about 10 seconds - as much as I love to help people - to decide to do nothing.

Aughhhh. I wish I could help everyone. As I open other emails, I think back to the sender - and hope they are also using other, more effective methods in their job search. People don't know what they don't know. As a client I'd coach them on how to get the best outcome: how to help others help you.

There are two ways to make one simple change that could vastly improve the chances of getting the requested introductions:

a. At minimum put your own email address in the “TO:” field and “BCC:” – blind cc – your big list of recipients.

b. If this job is that important to you, take the extra time (using copy and paste, 50 people = half hour max) to send the email to each of us individually as the only “TO:” - we would all be far more likely to help.

Let go of the outcome

I intend to write at least every other day, but what a week! Quote of the day: "The really happy man is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour." - Anonymous

Take-away: it's all good... do your part to control what you can, then let go of the outcome and enjoy the process. Tough words when a job search brings out a special level of vulnerability: a. feeling like you're being judged, and b. the outcome really matters.

Start by controlling your basics - having the best representation of yourself in a resume, and preparing well for your interviews.

I'm on pins and needles with three clients who all had very big interviews this week. I'm very proud of how well each one prepared. Whatever happens next, they each know they did their best. I think it's easier to let go of the outcome and know that whichever way it goes is for the best when you did your part.

From Daily Candy: a company called Blackbird Tees offers T-shirts printed with "I heart job offers" on the front, and your resume on the back: http://www.blackbirdtees.com/ Cute, but desperate. In my experience substance still sells with hiring managers over gimmicks. A simple tip for the person Daily Candy said has "tried everything to get a job": the night before your interview, re-read your own resume - word for word.

Perfect or perfect enough?

I think that the only perfection that exists in the real world is imperfection. Nature is perfect in its imperfection, and so are we.

As much as I believe in working toward being our best selves, waiting for absolute perfection in ourselves, another person, or a job is unrealistic - and a setup to be disappointed.

Sometimes waiting for perfection is a way to stay in the process rather than commit to the next step.

Sometimes it can mean piling far too many expectations onto one aspect of your life. The person looking for their employment to meet all of their needs - from every level of Maslow’s hierarchy - is likely to be let down when those needs conflict in the same setting.

Instead of holding out for the perfect position, sometimes the perfect-enough position is perfection; especially if it provides the work-life balance that allows fulfilling higher level needs through family, community, volunteering, and other venues outside of work.

If the imperfect job leaves your evenings and weekends free to serve a non-profit near and dear to your heart, who’s to say it’s not your perfect job?

Signage explained

Not to belittle the seriousness of the subject, but it's good to keep enough perspective to laugh at ourselves. This site always cracks me up!
http://www.safenow.org/

Problem or opportunity?

It's too easy for most of us to entertain negative thoughts without even realizing it. When someone is laid off from their job, the default assumption from others as well as the person let go is that this a “negative” event. Is it? It’s even a bit radical for me to question this.

I see a critical step in making a successful transition as reframing your situation as an opportunity to create/find more rewarding and perfectly fitting work, rather than as a problem to be solved.

You don't have to read much in the field of Positive Psychology (though I recommend you do!) to hear optimism and a positive outlook described as more or less learned behavior, since in our society we've all received so much unrecognized conditioning in jumping to negative assumptions and beliefs.

With all due respect to the fact that people prefer to change than be changed, nine times out of ten after a layoff, with help the individual can pull back and easily describe a much more fulfilling fit than what they just left. An extreme example is a client who felt she would "never find a better job," but when asked, admitted she would be happier without the 3-hour per day commute her current job entailed.

Often what is really getting under the person's craw is that they didn’t call it and leave on their own before they were exited. Kind of like the person you’re too good to be dating breaking up with you first.

When that resentment takes hold I've seen a job seeker proudly display a victim badge and drag an anchor of unfinished business everywhere they go - which is not in any way attractive to a next employer.

What really needs to happen is for the person to let go, move on, and focus on their future. I am a huge proponent of self-applied cognitive behavioral therapy, or simply, training ourselves to think about our thoughts and "recognize and replace" negativity with positive.

Some will say, aha – the law of attraction. OK. Whatever hook puts you in the driver’s seat of your condition works for me. Just remember that it takes diligence, practice, and patience, rather than being a one-time quick fix:

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily." - Zig Ziglar

Re-calculating

Stuff happens. Doing our very best we can’t always prevent it. As the saying goes, it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do next.

JJ Putz, the best closer in the American League, is on the 15 day disabled list. Bad news for the Mariners. However, it’s wasted energy to dwell on the injury or write the season off just yet.

Instead, the M’s take a lesson from my GPS when we turn “off plan.” Both immediately re-calculate the best path to the intended destination from where we currently are, not where we used to be.

The silver bullet

Chapter heading in the book I am currently reading:

"... anybody who wants anything need only do the work." - Swami Chetanananda, Dynamic Stillness

Quote of the Day from one of the email lists I subscribe to:

"The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you're willing to work." - Oprah Winfrey, Talk Show Host

I see a pattern here, so I will comment on it.

People see "an overnight success" in sports, music, and business - and forget or don't realize that that person likely worked long and hard and sacrificed other goals for years to create their success. Athletes who trained rigorously for years just for the chance to try out for the team; musicians who slept in their cars and waited tables while perfecting their craft... company founders who put their all into their dream and lived meagerly for years while working to build their company...

A comment I read a while back by Brad Pitt's acting coach has stayed with me. She knew he was going to make it big not because he had talent, (lots of people have talent) but because he held down three jobs at once to pay for his acting lessons. Instead of waiting for his big break, he worked hard to afford coaching to augment his talent.

"Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your talent, there is only one way to obtain it - work." -- Jack Nicklaus

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." - Calvin Coolidge

I love baseball too!

Hooray! With Opening Day yesterday, a new baseball season is finally underway. Every year at this time I feel a bit giddy with anticipation until opening day. Once the season is underway a very comfortable rhythm sets in. I love baseball season for so many reasons; some I can explain, some I just feel.

I think of a funny comment by a friend who doesn’t quite share my passion for the sport, “I enjoy baseball, I just don’t know why they need to play that many games.” I confess I don’t know either, but I know that I’m glad they do. Baseball just wouldn’t be the same if they didn't, nor would it have the same mystique. And I probably wouldn’t have as many analogies and lessons from baseball to apply to conducting a job search and managing your career.

A successful job search, like a long baseball season, is a game of numbers. To succeed in the major leagues, it’s also about rigorous preparation to be as ready and practiced as possible for whenever and however your opportunity comes.

The most successful at both keep the perspective to shake off any "error," but learn from a mistake to prepare better for their next chance to shine. I recommend seeing a job search as an opportunity to find something great that you will love, rather than a problem to be solved. It's important in both to believe in yourself, and then back up your belief by bringing your "A" game. Ball players have their superstitions; most job seekers have as many if not more unquestioned beliefs and assumptions.

There’s a saying in baseball, “the ball always finds the new guy.” That's why I coach interview preparation and practice applied with the diligence that ball players apply to a month of Spring Training before their regular season starts. That way you are not “the new guy” who hasn’t interviewed in a long time. It's laughable to imagine a ball player stepping up to the plate at the beginning of the season, having not batted since last year. To the person who is going to “wing it in an interview (hoping they will only play one game) and see how it goes” – your competition, who are preparing and practicing for a winning season, thanks you. Even with Spring Training, I don't know if there is a ball player out there who doesn't know the value of taking batting practice before every single game.

Winning or losing in the job search, like a ball game, can come down to “a difference of inches” – doing all the little things you can do, to give yourself the best advantage you can have.