The right words at the right time

"The Right Words at the Right Time" is the title of one of my favorite inspirational books. Realizing the impact of something her father said to her at a key time in her life, Marlo Thomas compiled this collection of "personal revelations from more than 100 remarkable men and women, who share a moment when words changed their lives."

I love this book, and refer back to it often. With short chapters written by names you'll recognize it's great summer reading.

Some of the memorable things said were affirming and shared the speaker's belief in the person they were spoken to. These turned into life-long reminders to the recipients to believe in themselves.

Marlo Thomas' own story is an example: afraid that she would be compared to her famous father Danny Thomas, early in her career she toyed with changing her name. With a pair of horse blinders, her father gave her a note that said, "Run your own race, Baby."

Some of the words were taken as a challenge, including when a teacher told a 12-year old Muhammad Ali, "You ain't never gonna be nuthin'," only to inspire him to become "the greatest in the world."

Another of my favorites comes from film director Mike Nichols, a self-reported slacker in college who got interested in one class and waited afterward to ask the professor a question. His reply: "You're very clever, Nichols, and very charming, but I'm sorry, I owe my time to the people who do the work." - Ouch!

Mia Hamm was setting goals with her coach when she said she wanted to "be the best." His reply was to flip the light switch on and off. "The best" he said, "is just a decision, but you have to make it every day."

A second book, "The Right Words at the Right Time, Your Turn" is full of real people's (meaning not celebrities) letters to Ms. Thomas carrying on the theme. They are just as inspiring and in some ways even more powerful, like the last letter written by a woman who would not be alive if not for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, the wonderful non-profit that receives all the proceeds from these two books.

Who said the words that inspire you? What were they? Monday I'll tell my story, but I would love to also share yours.

A second lesson in shaking it off

Ok, I confess - I'm a bit of a closeted figure skating fan. One of the reasons I love the sport is that after all the preparation, the practice, and the coaching, when it's just a lone skater on the ice or a pair, it seems to come down to sheer determination and confidence. Just one skater competing against herself and her last performance.

Last night I caught up with the 2008 ISU World Figure Skating Championships (held last March in Goteborg, Sweden) which we had TiVo'ed when they aired locally last weekend.

The lesson in "shaking it off and moving on anyway" came during the ladies long program.

Attempting the first jump of her four-minute routine, Mao Asada fell hard, and actually crashed into the sidewall. She quickly picked herself up, remained composed and skated flawlessly for the rest of her program to win the Gold.

Miki Ando, the 2007 Worlds Champion, was iffy to do the long program at all, due to a painful muscle injury in her left leg. What surprised me but shouldn't have was that before she took the ice she was talking to her coach, and even though her words were saying, "I'm going to do this!" Dick Button, who has broadcast about a million years worth of skating, could see in her face that she wasn't going to make it through her program. He knew what was going to happen before she took the ice, and just kept repeating, "Oh, no - look at her face."

Sure enough, about one minute into her program she stopped, skated to the judges and said she couldn't go on. I'm sure her injury was excruciating - but there's also been talk all year that she's lost her passion for competing.

Why do I love the sport? Because the competitors exemplify a winning attitude:

"You really don't know what your true potential is until you've pushed yourself beyond your limits. You have to fail a couple of times to really find out how far you can go."
- Debi Thomas, figure skater

Think you had a bad day at work?

We've all had them. The question isn't if and when it's going to happen to you, it's what you'll do next - if you'll be able to shake it off and move on.

Dan Uggla, second baseman with the Florida Marlins, had "a bad day at work" literally for the record books last night in the MLB All-Star Game - on the biggest stage of his career so far. I haven't read that his performance was the worst ever in an All-Star Game, but history may remember him as the answer to a trivia question along with Bill Buckner and Steve Bartman.

Watching last night you couldn't help feeling for the guy as his night just got worse and worse. If you didn't watch, Uggla made three errors, struck out three times and grounded into an inning-ending double play. He helped the game go 15 innings, getting more playing time and racking up worse stats than are usually possible in an All-Star Game with its frequent player substitutions.

To quote Jerry Crasnick of ESPN.com, in his article appropriately titled, "Uggla delivers a big stinker in National League's loss" http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/allstar08/columns/story?columnist=crasnick_jerry&id=3491412

"Logic says that Uggla should be crushed, demoralized or permanently scarred by his implosion, but guess again...Uggla stood before a bank of reporters at his locker stall and said that he had thoroughly enjoyed his experience in New York this week. Despite an ending that could have been scripted by M. Night Shyamalan, Uggla acted like a player whose confidence is still intact."

"I know what kind of player I am. I'm fine. The only thing I'm pissed about is that we lost." he said.

According to Crasnick, Uggla seemed intent on putting this behind him and chalking it up to the confluence of bad luck and absolutely brutal timing.

The money quote in my book: "I never was down. You shake it off, you move on, and you keep playing."
- Dan Uggla

His teammates helped with another critical element of moving past "the ultimate bad day at work," shifting your perspective to find the bright side of the situation. They said they'd rather he mess up here than in the post-season, and pointed out that the errors and strikeouts don't count toward his career numbers.

Uggla's teammate Russell Martin understated the obvious: "It definitely wasn't his best night... but he'll be able to put it behind him. You're going to have some good days and some bad days. I'm sure he'll look past this and he'll probably laugh about it later on."

The next time you have a really, really, really bad day at work, remember that someday you too may be able to laugh about it. Think of Dan Uggla as inspiration for getting over it and moving on with your confidence intact. I really hope he has a great rest of the season!

Flexibility

"In a confrontation between a rock and a stream, the stream always wins - not through strength, but by perserverence." - H. Jackson Brown

There are parts of a job search where certain types of people get stuck more than others. An element that pushes very hard on some people is the need to be flexible and continuously adapt to events, situations and decisions that feel beyond their control.

People who have a hard time working with the concept "control what you can, and accept what you can't" get frustrated either trying to control everything or nothing.

When you are making a job move neither strategy serves you as well as being able to discern the grey area between these two extremes.

One of the reasons people dread interviewing is that they can't control what they will be asked. My answer is that while it's true that you can't entirely control what will be asked, with a little preparation you can predict most of the questions you'll be asked and better control your responses to whatever is asked.

The stream that knows where it wants to go, and just flows around and between the rocks that appear along the way will ultimately reach its destination.

The therapeutic value of blogging

In a fascinating article in the June issue of Scientific American, http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=the-healthy-type writer Jessica Wagner discusses a number of studies underway to try to understand why blogging is so beneficial.

Expressive writing about personal experiences, thoughts and feelings has long been recognized as an effective tool for coping with stress, but recently researchers have found that it also improves memory and sleep, boosts immune cell activity and speeds healing after surgery.

According to the article, "Blogging might trigger dopamine release similar to stimulants like music, running and looking at art."

And blogging goes beyond individual physiological benefits in providing a sense of community with others going through similar situations and circumstances.

I've recommended, successfully, to a handful of clients in widely different situations that they start blogging. It can be therapeutic to express yourself in a disciplined way even without giving anyone else access to read your blog.

Extreme care needs to be taken by any job candidate chronicling the trials and tribulations of their job hunt. A public blog is easily found by the HR team or the hiring manager you're hoping to interview with, so it doesn't serve you to sound negative, whiny, or like you are bashing anyone or anything. Remember you want a job, not sympathy.

Writing this has been good for me, and I hope reading it is good for you!

Is it in you?

I don't mean Gatorade.

"What lies behind us
and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to
what lies within us."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Joy is not in things. It is in us."
- Richard Wagner

Choose to have a joyful Friday!

"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."
- Anonymous

Dream jobs

I'm not qualified to be an MLB Authenticator. I'm not sure I can tell maple bat shrapnel from ash, and I am sure that from the dugout I can't reliably tell a curve from a slider.

Even though some dream jobs are unattainable, they are rich with clues about what we are looking for in a job that is attainable.

To find the clues, I've asked free-wheeling, dream job questions in a number of different ways:

• What did you want to be when you were a child?
• If you could do any work, and preparation (eg. to become a doctor) was not an issue, what would it be?
• What work would you enjoy so much that you would do it for free?
• If you won the lottery and decided to work just for fun, what would you do?
• What are you doing when you find "flow," and lose all track of time?
• What do you read for pleasure?
• What section of the paper / online news do you read first?
• Where would you spend 20 minutes in a large bookstore?
• What kind of change would you most like to make in the world?
• What group of people would you most like to help?
• What kind of legacy would you like to leave?
• How would you most like to be remembered?
• What causes are the most important to you?
  

Asking "why five times" about your answers provides the clues. What do your answers tell you?